Leaving JERRY FALWELL An
Interview with Marc Adams
part three
RG: Anyone who has read The
Preacher's Son knows the deal with your biological family. At least
your parents and sisters. The question now is, almost ten years
later, what's going on in that part of your life.
Marc Adams: It never ceases to amaze
me how optimistic some people are thinking that people like my parents
will change on this issue. I do an insane number of speaking
engagements every year and I am continuously asked about this.
RG: Why do you think people are
interested?
Marc Adams: I think because everyone
loves a happy ending and because it is hard for truly loving people to
understand how parents can discard their children and other family
members.
RG: So what is you relationship like
with your family today?
Marc Adams: My relationship with my
biological parents is the same as it was when I was 5. There just isn't
one. There never was a loving parent/child relationship. I remember
when I was fourteen, my sisters and I had a small conversation about
whether or not we felt our parents really loved us. Compared to neighbor
kids and their relationships with their parents, our just didn't measure
up. Of course, we dismissed those other relationships because those
families weren't "Christian" like we were. But I always felt like there
was something off balance. I now know that because of my parent's
religious beliefs and their dedication to them, that they are not able
to truly love themselves so they cannot truly love each other or their
kids.
RG: That's a strong statement.
Marc Adams: Yes, it is. But I
learned all of that during my self-acceptance process. I refer to that
time in my life as 'Leaving Jerry Falwell.' Although that
process had very little to do with him, his philosophy or his church and
schools, he represents a way of closed circuit thinking to which I
submitted. When I left my parent's home and church at 16, I moved right
into Jerry Falwell's university and church and so I substituted my
fundamentalist Christianity with neo-evangelical Christianity.
RG: Not sure I knew there was a
difference.
Marc Adams: There is! Most people
don't know the difference. There are a lot of similarities. But as I
left both aspects of that religion behind me, I was also able to
understand my parent's predicament. They could either love me
unconditionally as their son or they could view my coming out as a
challenge of their faith from God and adhere to their religious beliefs
which come from the Bible and choose to separate from me in order to
show me their love.
RG: So we're talking about two
difference definitions of the word love.
Marc Adams: Exactly. And as someone
who used to operate under that same definition of love I understand
where my biological parents are with this. It is very sad that they are
trapped in the cult-like environment they are in, but it is their
choice. Religion is a choice.
RG: Are you angry?
Marc Adams: About what?
RG: Most people would just assume
that you are angry at your biological family, religion, maybe God.
Marc Adams: I know a lot of people
who are angry like that but I've never felt that. I mean, in the past
there were some spontaneous moments of anger which I think is typical.
But there hasn't been an ongoing feeling of wrath. I think I've just
been able to accept my past and move forward with my life. I could
either allow my history to run my life or I could keep it as my history
and let my heart run my life. Life is much more peaceful if you listen
to your heart.
RG: Anything else you would like
readers to know about you or (lost)Found?
Marc Adams: Just that I am happy.
This book is a coming out of sorts. Especially since I wrote so much
about my spirituality and spiritual journey. This book is about many
things in my past and I am ready to move forward. I think
(lost)Found and LoveLife are stepping stones for that.
Perhaps they will be stepping stones for others, too.